Creating The Perfect Relationship

Manifesting the perfect relationship in an art. It takes skill, patience, the ability to dream and the courage to create. But it is entirely possible. 

Most people put very little time or effort into understanding their relationships. It’s easier to complain, play victim and indulge in the drama. But you’re different and I hope you acknowledge that. The mere fact that you got here, to the last page, is more than most will do in their lifetime to create the possibility of fulfilling relationships. I see you.

In this final exercise, we’ll be taking everything we learned about envisioning, defining and enrolling, the three main pillars of our framework, and implement it all into one actionable exercise that will prove to you, your abilities to be transformative in your relationships. 

If you skipped the other sections and landed here, this exercise might be confusing. I encourage you to go back and revisit the sections of this document before you engage in the following exercise.

Create Change Now

This is your opportunity to commit to a new powerful way of relating with another person(s) and take action.

To get the most out of this exercise I strongly urge you to create something you can test to witness the power of this work with, preferably with someone you care about. The exercise below is compact and lightweight so you can easily experiment with the possibilities it offers.

I. Envision

In this section, we will be building off of the first exercise we did under the section: Envision. Here I invite you to invent your own prompt. Take a moment to step back and observe all the relationships you have in your life, along with the ones you don’t have but want. Find a specific problem within those relationships that you’ve noticed yourself showing up inauthentically to.

Perhaps you have a relationship with your mother where you put up with her constantly nagging you all the time. Or maybe you have a bad relationship with being social where you want to get out there and meet new people, but you’re always finding excuses not to. Find a relationship or a way you’re behaving towards the possibility of new relationships that’s causing you stress, frustration, annoyance or doubt. That’s your prompt.

Before continuing, make sure you’ve read the Envision section of this action plan. Once you’ve imagined your prompt, continue with the same instructions I mentioned in the Perfect Partner Exercise to complete the worksheet below.

II. Define

Now that you’ve envisioned a new and empowering way to relate to another party, let’s cement it into reality. In this section we’ll be creating one defining agreement that will solidify your intention, guide your actions and shape the future of your relationship. You’re free to craft your agreements however you like. But if you need a hand, here’s a guide to help you.


Step 1:  Your first statement should be precise about what you want to agree to. Distill everything about this new agreement into one compact truth. You can bold it out or emphasise it in your writing since it’s the core of your agreement.


Example: I commit to sharing parts about myself that I’m ashamed of.



Step 2: Next you’re going to use your ‘new narrative’ from the Perfect Partner Worksheet exercise to explain why it’s important to you and describe how your perfect self is leading you towards freedom and authenticity.

Example: I commit to sharing parts about myself that I’m ashamed of.

  • I used to be afraid to share parts I’m ashamed of but now I notice when I do, people open up to me, want to support me and I sometimes realize I don’t actually have to be ashamed about them. In fact, I feel powerful when I share—like i have nothing to hide. 



Step 3: Now you’re going to add constraints if you need to, to create boundaries that will allow you to maintain this agreement without feeling burnt out or overwhelmed.


Example: I commit to sharing parts about myself that I’m ashamed of.

  • I used to be afraid to share parts I’m ashamed of but now I notice when I do, people open up to me, want to support me and sometimes realize I don’t actually have to be ashamed about them. In fact, I feel powerful when I share—like i have nothing to hide. 

  • I only share vulnerable parts of myself when I’m around individuals who seek to empower and uplift me.

    • If I’m around someone who I don’t feel safe sharing vulnerable parts with myself, I will firmly opt out of sharing those things with them. By being aware and protecting myself from negative individuals I can maintain this agreement and continue the joyous act of sharing with those who care.



Step 4: Finally, create a sub-agreement that addresses how you’ll handle yourself if you fail to maintain an agreement.


This is where you want to employ empathy, not blame. Being hard on yourself because you fell short on an agreement does nothing but create resistance. If you’re having trouble with this, revisit the Define section where we talk about “When Integrity is Compromised”.


Example: I commit to sharing parts about myself that I’m ashamed of.

  • I used to be afraid to share parts I’m ashamed of but now I notice when I do, people open up to me, want to support me and sometimes realize I don’t actually have to be ashamed about them. In fact, I feel powerful when I share—like i have nothing to hide. 

  • I only share vulnerable parts of myself when I’m around individuals who seek to empower and uplift me.

    • If I’m around someone who I don’t feel safe sharing vulnerable parts with myself, I will firmly opt out of sharing those things with them. By being aware and protecting myself from negative individuals I can maintain this agreement and continue the joyous act of sharing with those who care.

  • When I realize I’ve been around someone caring who I’ve wanted to share more about myself with, yet failed to do so I will sit with myself, forgive myself and try to understand what messages were keeping me from exposing myself. 

    • Why was I afraid?

    • Was I being in my awareness?

    • Was there something I didn’t consciously notice about the conversation that triggered me?

    • When I’ve taken the time to be with myself and if I still desire to share the information about myself with the other party, I will give myself permission to do so and I will act immediately on it. 

III. Enroll

The power of enrollment lies in our ability to inspire and invite others into our vision of a mutually valuable, and yes, perfect relationship. In this short exercise, you will formulate your enrollment conversation. Below is the suggested format we recommend using. You might want to write out exactly what you’d like to say before hand; as I mentioned in the Define section, writing grounds the vision.

Step 1. Acknowledge Your Responsibility Within The Relationship Dynamic You’re Looking to Transform.

Use this framework below to take ownership of the issue you’re addressing, acknowledge your failure to be authentic, and open up the possibility for greater authenticity in the future of that relationship.


1. I pretend to be… [strong and self-sufficient, as if I don’t need support from anyone.]


2. I am covering up the fact that… [I deeply crave reassurance and emotional closeness, but I’m afraid of seeming needy.]

3. The impact on our relationship is… [a growing emotional distance because I rarely share my vulnerabilities, leaving you to feel shut out.]


Example in a relationship

“Hey, I wanted to share something with you. I know I tend to act like everything’s always fine, and I’m always joking around or keeping things light. But honestly, sometimes I hide how I really feel because I’m afraid of burdening you with my emotions or that you might see me as weak. I really care about you and I want to be real with you, but it can be hard for me to open up about things that might not be so easy to talk about. I think I’ve been holding back a bit, and I just wanted to be honest with you about it.” 


Example in dating / meeting new people

“Hey there, just wanted to say that I rarely approach people like this in the supermarket and although I might seem confident, I’m actually a little nervous. Despite all of that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi to you!”


Use this framework below to take ownership of the issue you’re addressing, acknowledge your failure to be authentic, and open up the possibility for greater authenticity in the future of that relationship.


1. I pretend to be… [strong and self-sufficient, as if I don’t need support from anyone.]


2. I am covering up the fact that… [I deeply crave reassurance and emotional closeness, but I’m afraid of seeming needy.]

3. The impact on our relationship is… [a growing emotional distance because I rarely share my vulnerabilities, leaving you to feel shut out.]


Example in a relationship

“Hey, I wanted to share something with you. I know I tend to act like everything’s always fine, and I’m always joking around or keeping things light. But honestly, sometimes I hide how I really feel because I’m afraid of burdening you with my emotions or that you might see me as weak. I really care about you and I want to be real with you, but it can be hard for me to open up about things that might not be so easy to talk about. I think I’ve been holding back a bit, and I just wanted to be honest with you about it.” 


Example in dating / meeting new people

“Hey there, just wanted to say that I rarely approach people like this in the supermarket and although I might seem confident, I’m actually a little nervous. Despite all of that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi to you!”


Use this framework below to take ownership of the issue you’re addressing, acknowledge your failure to be authentic, and open up the possibility for greater authenticity in the future of that relationship.


1. I pretend to be… [strong and self-sufficient, as if I don’t need support from anyone.]


2. I am covering up the fact that… [I deeply crave reassurance and emotional closeness, but I’m afraid of seeming needy.]

3. The impact on our relationship is… [a growing emotional distance because I rarely share my vulnerabilities, leaving you to feel shut out.]


Example in a relationship

“Hey, I wanted to share something with you. I know I tend to act like everything’s always fine, and I’m always joking around or keeping things light. But honestly, sometimes I hide how I really feel because I’m afraid of burdening you with my emotions or that you might see me as weak. I really care about you and I want to be real with you, but it can be hard for me to open up about things that might not be so easy to talk about. I think I’ve been holding back a bit, and I just wanted to be honest with you about it.” 


Example in dating / meeting new people

“Hey there, just wanted to say that I rarely approach people like this in the supermarket and although I might seem confident, I’m actually a little nervous. Despite all of that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi to you!”


Step 2. Offer The Possibility of Relating Perfectly

Now is your opportunity to bring the work you’ve been creating to fruition, enrolling both your vision and your commitment to it within the context of a limitless, empowering relationship. Follow the steps below to create in invitation that will be hard for the recipient of your enrollment to refuse.


1. I’ve made a commitment to myself to be… [vulnerable, expressive and upfront with my feelings with you]


2. This way I don’t have to… [hide, feel disconnection, be unhappy]


3. This way I can feel… [excited to see you, unburdened and optimistic about life and our relationship]


4. Some ways I was envisioning you could support me with this is… [When you notice I get silent you’re welcome to ask me if there’s something wrong. This will help me give myself permission to open up to you.]


Example: “So I’ve made a commitment to myself to be open, vulnerable, and real with you—no more holding back. This means I won’t feel disconnected or carry around unspoken things, and I’ll be able to show up fully, excited to see you and ready to share. It already feels freeing and amazing for me not to have to hide anything! I know it’ll make our connection even stronger because we can both be our true selves without fear.

One way you can support me with this is by gently checking in when I get quiet. Just asking if something’s on my mind will help me open up and feel safe sharing. I will acknowledge this and promise not to react. I truly believe this will make our relationship deeper, more fun, and totally aligned with who we both are!”


Step 3. Invite The Other Party To Share Their Experience Of The Matter at Hand.

Whenever possible, involve the recipient in the conversation to reduce the pressure of feeling ‘talked at’ and empower them with the space to actively contribute to solving the problem. Provide space for the recipient to respond freely. Listen deeply and intently. Avoid interrupting and attempting to ‘be right’. 


What has it been like for you to experience this?


How has it made you see me?


What has it made you feel?


What would it take for you to be empowered in this dynamic?


How do you think we can improve this area of our relationship?


Follow Up

After you’ve had your enrollment conversation, notice how things have changed. Notice what kinds of responses your talk inspired in the recipient. How did it empower them to show up?  Journal and reflect on what just happened to bring even more clarity around the relationship you just elevated.

The BIG Take-Away: The Other Person is Not The Problem

Did you notice that we never really addressed the recipient's problems throughout all of this? Why is that? Well, it’s probably the most important lesson in this whole document. 

Try as we might, we cannot change people. That’s not what enrollment or the rest of the program is about. What makes enrollment so powerful is that instead of doing what we normally try to do, force, guilt, manipulate others into our way of thinking, we’re doing the heavy lifting and taking responsibility for what we change. 

You’re doing the work. You’re building a house of your own, with your own house rules and inviting people to stay. It’s their choice if they choose to. This means we have to be willing to accept that not all people will want to enroll in our vision of a relationship. This also means that those who do not were probably a bad idea to invite in the first place. This makes enrollment a great filter when you really think about it. 

But what’s really magical about this whole endeavor is that by presenting this vision to someone who you care about—someone who has good intentions, who wants to grow—this gives them a chance they’ve probably never had before; the possibility of actually having an authentic, empowering, perfect relationship with you. It’s a very rare and potent gift you’re considering to offer the world. Acknowledge that.

We’d love to hear how this exercise went for you! Please reach out and let us know at: tim@theartofconnection.coach. You can also download a working version of this document in google docs.

Some of you will take this workbook and create amazing results on your own. But if you’re ready to accelerate your growth, take bold action, and design the relationships you’ve always envisioned, our Establishing Connection Program is your next step. Together, we’ll turn your aspirations into reality. Click the button below to enroll.

Creating The Perfect Relationship

Success Stories

Success Stories

Hear the transformations of our clients as they share their path to success with The Art of Connection!

Hear the transformations of our clients as they share their path to success with The Art of Connection!

Bulscu Wein

In just one coaching session with Tim, I was truly amazed by my improved ability to approach new people. Tim’s guidance played a pivotal role in this transformation. He has a unique talent for helping individuals confront their fears in a nurturing and supportive manner. I wholeheartedly recommend Tim to anyone seeking assistance in learning how to approach and engage with new people. His expertise is truly remarkable.

Dillon Perry

I can't emphasize this enough, working with Tim has truly been a life-changing experience for me. I used to struggle with social anxiety, making it difficult for me to approach and interact with people. Thanks to Tim’s guidance and support, I’ve gained the confidence and tools I needed to overcome my social anxiety. I can now easily approach others and engage in meaningful conversations.  This transformation in my social life has been a true gift, and I couldn’t have done it without Tim’s help.

Jeremy Roye

I've always had this fear of approaching and talking to ... well, just about anyone, particularly in group situations. Working with Tim has been transformative for me. His ability to break things down clearly and provide a fresh, human/holistic perspective has completely shifted the way I think about approaching and meeting new people, especially those I'm attracted to. Tim is a true master at what he does, a sweet dude, and I'm incredibly grateful for his guidance and expertise.

Video Testimonials

Video Testimonials

Video Testimonials

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Success Screenshots

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