Define Exercise
Below is a step-by-step guide to help you define and craft powerful contracts, putting you in direct control of shaping your relationships and your life. Remember, you can create contracts for various areas of your life—family, dating, partnerships, friendships, social connections, and work relationships. There’s no single way to approach this, so engage your creativity and design contracts that resonate with and are tailored to your unique needs
Reflect on Your Values and Principals
Before you begin drafting your contract, take a moment to reflect on the core values and principles that are vital for you to be perfect and your relationships to be perfect. These might include honesty, kindness, responsibility, integrity, creativity, or any other qualities that resonate with your perfect self. Write down your top 5-7 values.
Identify Areas of Integrity
In your contract, you will commit to being in alignment with your values. Reflect on different aspects of your life where integrity is essential. You may want to create exclusive sections.
These sections might include:
How you treat yourself (self-love, self-care, personal growth)
How you treat others (relationships, communication, respect)
How you manage your responsibilities (work, finances, health)
How you show up in challenging situations (resilience, courage, honesty)
Craft Your Agreements
Based on your reflections, write a series of agreements with yourself. Use each value you identified to create specific, actionable commitments. Each agreement should be clear, concise, and grounded in what you truly want to uphold.
Pro Tip:
You should challenge yourself to find specific issues or scenarios where you want to define your interactions (general statements sometimes fall short of being effective). Note that in the specific, more impactful statements I have listed below, I cover all the in’s and out’s of how I want to maintain my integrity and authenticity in the face of challenging circumstances.
Here are some general statements:
“I commit to showing up for myself every day by prioritizing my health and well-being.”
“I commit to communicating honestly with others, even when it’s difficult.”
“I commit to forgiving myself when I make mistakes, without attaching guilt or shame.”
“I commit to honoring my time and energy by saying ‘no’ when necessary and protecting my boundaries.”
Here are some specific, more impactful statements:
I agree to acknowledge and manage my feelings of rejection when they arise, ensuring they no longer hold a significant influence over my life.”
When I feel the emotion of rejection, I will acknowledge that I’m feeling it because I’m:
Comparing myself to others
Not seeing the value in myself and what I have to offer
Looking down on myself (being critical)
Once I acknowledge that I’m allowing the emotion of rejection to dictate my mood, I’ll then go back and observe all the great things about my life and what I’ve created for myself. I’ll practice gratitude for everything and everyone I have in my life. I will know that my life will continue being joyful even without the possibility of the denied opportunity.
I will also check in with myself to see what I need. Am I tired? Do I want to go home? What will put me in a better environment so I am happy, safe and secure?
If I fail to support myself in this emotional state, I will not beat myself up in hindsight. I’ll have compassion for myself and remind myself the next time I’m in a similar situation that I have this agreement to follow and even make new plans on how I can address it.
I agree to allow myself to approach and meet anyone I feel drawn to, no matter the circumstance.
I acknowledge that my energy is true, positive and is only seeking meaningful and joyous connections, therefore anyone who I choose to meet would be delighted to meet me.
If they are not, that is their business and it has nothing to do with me.
This also means that I don’t force myself to approach someone when I don’t feel like it.
I will take the time to check with myself before I make the decision to approach to see how I actually feel.
If I make an approach and feel rejection I will revisit the agreement I have with rejection.
Notice how in the specific impactful statements just listed, I am covering more ground around the specific issue at hand. I’m calling out what the issue is, how do I become aware of it, how do I address it, what are the extenuating circumstances where I don’t address it, what do I do if I fail to address it and so on.
Going into this kind of detail sets strong boundaries and provides a north star for how to maintain your integrity and your way of being so that it’s better aligned with your perfect self.
Set Boundaries and Accountability
Part of your contract should include setting boundaries to ensure you stay aligned with your commitments. Identify potential distractions or temptations that might pull you out of alignment with your values, and create strategies for how you will stay on track.
This could include:
Setting a standard time to check in with yourself regularly.
Hiring a coach or enrolling friends to keep you accountable.
Journaling to reflect on your progress.
Journal Example: “Today I feel way overwhelmed with people who are asking too much of me. If I find myself overcommitting to others’ needs, I will pause and reassess before agreeing to new obligations.”
Commit to Ongoing Revision
Just as The Four Agreements (referenced below) teaches us that we are always evolving, your contract should be flexible. Commit to reviewing and revising it periodically as your values, goals, and circumstances change. Write a section in your contract that allows for self-reflection and adjustment:
Example: “I commit to revisiting this contract every 2 weeks and making necessary updates based on where I am at in my life.”
Declare the Length of Your Commitment
Decide how long you want your contract to last. For example, you could set it for a year, six months, or until you feel it’s time to revise. The length should be enough to give you time to make meaningful changes, but flexible enough to accommodate growth.
Example: “This contract is valid for the next year, after which I will review and revise it as necessary.”
Sign and Date
After writing your contract, sign and date it as a symbolic commitment to yourself. Keep the contract somewhere visible, like in your journal or on your desk, to remind you of your intentions. We will be referring back to it as a north star in this program.